School

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School is hard. We’re about halfway through the year in Kindergarten, and it’s tough. I knew it was going to be difficult. I heard many of the older kids at past Williams Syndrome Conventions saying they hated school. That always broke my heart because of the way in which they said it. Sure, everyone “hates” school. Every kid would much prefer to stay home and watch tv all day. But these kids hated it because of how hard it was for them — and sometimes because of how their teachers reacted to them. They didn’t necessarily want to sit home and watch tv all day. They just wanted to be able to do their schoolwork without a major struggle.

When you perceive things differently because of your genetic makeup, schoolwork is a struggle.

We have a couple challenges on our plate right now. The first is the visuo-spatial difficulties that we’d always heard about regarding Williams syndrome. This blog, written by a Williams syndrome mom and Science teacher, explains it nicely: http://understandingwilliamssyndrome.blogspot.com/2012/04/visuo-spatial-difficulties-and-how-they.html

We’ve seen Emmy struggle in the past with visuo-spatial relationships. But now that she has to put pencil to paper every day, I see how difficult it is for her to even write her name. Imagine if you practiced writing your name every day for a year, and it was still difficult for you. Imagine if you were asked to write “E,” “M,” “M,” “Y” on a lined sheet of paper, and no matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t write those darn letters on those lines. For an “E,” you have to first start with a straight line down, and that is often a wobbly line, but it’s getting better. Now, you have to do those three little lines to finish your “E,” and it’s absolute torture. You can’t get the small lines to follow the lines of the paper. In Kindergarten, those are called the sky line, the plane line, and the grass line. You have to draw your three little lines exactly ON the sky line, plane line, and grass line. Yours are often above or below, and you spend a long time trying to fix that. Now that’s just the “E.” That takes a good five minutes to work through, and it still isn’t properly lined up. On to the “M” and so forth…

Now imagine that this skill comes easily to all the other kids, and they’re flying through name writing and onto sentence writing and onto story writing…and you’re still back trying to get that darn “E” on the page.

So our second challenge is the pace of the work. The other kids are easily off to the races but, because of Emmy’s challenges it takes us a long time to do the tasks that take other kids two minutes. So homework usually takes over an hour and a half, and that’s after a full school day.

At the last Williams Syndrome Convention, we had an awesome keynote speaker named Paul Daugherty. He is the father of a young woman with Down syndrome, and he wrote a fantastic memoir called An Uncomplicated Life. I both laughed and cried through the whole book. My favorite chapter is called “Homework.” It’s the most simple chapter title, and it sounds like it would be the most boring read. It is unbelievably beautiful. He writes about the homework struggle, and how it affected both him and his daughter, Jillian. Their relationship could be mirrored by homework. He would go bonkers with frustration at 11:00 pm at night when they were still working on spelling the same one word that they had been working on for hours. And she would keep her positive spirit and persist, even though it was tough for her.

I read that chapter over the summer before Emmy started Kindergarten. In a way, I am living it now. I’m not going bonkers at 11:00 pm, thank goodness! Hopefully that won’t start until the high school years. But I am aware of the fact that we drill the same sight words every night, and even though Emmy seems to know the word “the” on Monday, she won’t know it on Tuesday.

But like Jillian, Emmy’s positive persistence is a beautiful thing. She sits down at the kitchen table every day with me and does her homework with no complaints. None. She  just smiles her way through it even though it’s so freaking hard for her. I see her fingers struggling to write those lines. I see her steadfast concentration when she stares at the sight words. And I know that none of this is easy.

It’s amazing that Emmy is willing to try and that she’s persistent. If this were me, struggling to write my name on the lines after a year of trying, I might have broken my pencil in half and said, “You know what? SCREW THIS!”

Not Emmy. She smiles and often cheers herself on. When she claims a tiny accomplishment, she’ll say, “I did it!” And if I try to gently feed her a sight word, she’ll say, “I can do it myself.” If she gets a sight word right, she shrieks for joy and hugs me tightly around my neck.

We have other challenges too. Math is a doozy… Yikes. Math makes me want to pull the covers over my head and go back to bed. I have my own issues with math, so I’m having a hard time teaching math to someone who also struggles with number sense — but in different ways. Emmy doesn’t see what I see when I place counting bears on a table. I can figure out how to help her with writing and reading, but I still don’t have my math strategy down. I have to ponder that one.

But we do have some major accomplishments too! Emmy is reading! She’s really impressed me with her reading skills, and I’m seeing a lot of nice gains in that area.

And even though I’ve highlighted some challenges, Emmy has progressed tremendously since the beginning of the year. She is making huge, huge strides, albeit at a slower pace than the other kids in the class. But the progress is very much there.

So the last challenge falls on me, her mom. I have to keep my patience and a positive attitude. I am actually a pretty patient person, which is helpful. I try not to lose my cool too often. But positivity isn’t necessarily my strong suit. I can get discouraged. I can see the huge mountain ahead instead of the little, AWESOME gains we’ve already made. I can get into a spin cycle in my head about what my dreams and goals are for Emmy and whether we’re on track.

I really don’t want her to hate school. I’m wondering if there are any older kids with Williams syndrome who like school?? I’m hoping so? I’m trying my hardest not to put too much pressure on Emmy so that it makes her hate school, while also balancing the need for her to still do the work and make progress. That’s a tricky balancing act. I’m working on it!

Ok, now for some other updates. Thank you for all your support during Theo’s hospital stay a while back. I think we have FINALLY figured out what is going on with him. He has enlarged adenoids and tonsils. He also possibly has asthma, though he’s too young for that diagnosis yet. For now, he’s on medicine that shrinks his adenoids, and he has been doing MUCH better. He has much less drooling and much less mucus in his throat. He’s like a different kid. But he’s a boy, so he still runs around like a maniac. 🙂

And Charlotte is doing great. She loves school, sports, dance, and especially art. She’s a sweet kid and a very helpful big sister.

So here we are! (Well, except for me because I’m always behind the camera.) Happy January!

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Four and-a-half Years Old

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Here is our sweet, funny, smart, beautiful, persistent, and loving Emmy. She is everything I thought she would be. Not at first, though. Not when we found out about Williams syndrome. I wasn’t ok with the diagnosis at first and I thought, “Please just let me be ok with this by the time she’s 8 years old.” I gave myself ample time to let it sink in.

Turns out that I only needed a year, but I’m glad I gave myself 8 because I think creating space is important.

I was ok with it after a year. I was totally accepting of the diagnosis, and I was completely in love with Emmy–just as she was.

And then she changed. Into more. And more. And more. And more. At four-and-a-half years old, she puts me in a state of constant awe.

She is, truly, as sweet as her smile shows.

She shares EVERYTHING. I took her to the library, and the librarian gave us a donut. Emmy said she wanted to save it until we got home, so she could share it with Charlotte.

She will readily give Theo a toy that she’s playing with–no hesitation. “Here, Theo. Have this.”

She says things like, “I love you so much, Mommy” and “You’re the best mommy ever.” (Which isn’t true, but I love hearing it nonetheless.)

She is also witty and sly. With a more crooked version of her beautiful smile, she’ll goad Charlotte on. She definitely knows how to push buttons, but she does it in a funny way. If we’re eating a more adult-friendly meal like pot roast, she’ll knowingly say, “Good news, Charlotte! We having mac-and-cheese for dinner!” Then Charlotte will get all pumped up…only to be disappointed when she reaches the table. Emmy finds that hilarious.

Or before Christmas, I was telling the kids that Santa brings presents to children who are nice; not naughty. So of course Emmy would offer, “Naughty like Charlotte??”

Charlotte is far from naughty, but Emmy totally knows that and loves to try and get under her skin sometimes.

Emmy is very smart, and I feel for her because she KNOWS a lot, but her hands don’t work fluidly with her brain quite yet. So while she knows all the letters, writing is very difficult for her. I watch her hands shake slightly as she struggles to hold a pencil. Drawing a smiley face is an unbelievable accomplishment. I recognize how frustrating it must be to have your mind go one direction and your body another.

But, boy, is she persistent! This kid DOES NOT GIVE UP. She gets up on the balance beam with everyone else in gymnastics. She gets scared. Sometimes she cries. The teachers are wonderful and help her the whole way along. And at the end, she always says, “I did it!! I’m so proud of myself!”

Emmy has therapists in school, and they are consistently reporting back to me that she comes to the therapy room with a smile on her face, ready for anything–even if it’s hard. It’s funny because sometimes they say, “It’s a pleasure to work with Emmy.” And I picture this 4 year old in a little pinstriped business suit, marching off to work in the therapy room. What a trooper!

Our life is quite typical…I think. Emmy likes to do everything that every other 4 year old does. She likes to get her hair braided and put on pretend makeup. She has favorite outfits, and she’ll often ask me if I washed her pink polka-dotted sweatshirt. She loves going to the park, and (naturally) she loves anything with sugar.

She also can be obsessive about things, which I think is more of a Williams syndrome trait. She might ask a question 100 times (like “Where are we going?” even though she knows exactly where we’re going). She also will become obsessed with certain “themes.” For the past year, she was into anything scary (vampires, ghosts, zombies, etc). There’s nothing quite like sitting across from an adorable 4 year old at dinner and having her ask, “What you like better? Werewolves or goblins?”

Right now, her theme is still anything scary, but she’s also introduced CANDY. So now it’s “What you like better? Skittles or Twizzlers?” We have treat nights on Monday and Friday, so all week long, she’ll ask, “No treat night tonight, right?” And then on treat night, she’ll say all day long, “Don’t forget!! Treat night tonight!”

The obsessive stuff can be rough when I’m tired. I usually just answer her questions repeatedly, but sometimes I’ll stop and say, “Emmy, you already asked that question, remember?”

And then she’ll say, “Oops! Sorry!”

She’s so cute.

In a way, I can’t believe I gave myself 8 years to be ok with this. That seems like a long time, when I have someone so irresistible right in front of me. But when you have a baby in your arms who you’ve barely met, and you’re reading about a scary diagnosis, all you can do is promise yourself that–in time–this will be ok. In time, you will accept and even appreciate the sweet gift before you.

Luckily, she is everything I thought she would be–and much, much more.

Tomorrow is the Day

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Thank you, everyone, for your sweet words and wishes. I can’t believe that we’re on the Eve of another potential surgery. I say “potential” because we’re scheduled for a bronchoscopy, which is more of a look-see. But if the doctor sees something minor that he can fix, he’ll do it. The doctor won’t know what he’s dealing with until he performs the procedure, so we’re kind of on pins and needles in that respect.

As such, it’s being treated as a surgery. The document I have in front of me with the details for tomorrow reads across the top: “SURGERY 11/10/15.” The sheet also tells me that Theo can’t eat or drink past midnight. We have to be at the hospital at 8:00 am, and the procedure is scheduled to begin at 9:30 am.

In the photo above, I put that shirt on Theo 5 minutes before I snapped the picture. Can you see how his shirt is covered in drool? Also, you may be able to see the excessive saliva in his mouth. This is more than just teething or other typical baby stuff.

I’m incredibly depressed about the procedure tomorrow, but I’m also thankful that we may finally get to the bottom of this. I’ve been so worried about him. Lately, he’s been waking during the night, coughing on the mucus in his throat.

I’ve been going through the whole “It’s not fair!” cycle, and I’m trying to get out of my own head and just accept it. I stood in front of my bookshelf for a while (I love books and probably have way too many…), trying to find something to read that would pull me out of myself. I found Byron Katie’s Loving What Is and got into bed, prepared to read. What fell out of the book was a printed list of high-risk obstetricians from our insurance company. My husband had written some notes at the top because he was the one who printed the list for me…when I was newly pregnant with Theo. The pregnancy was high-risk because I had a uterus with a “thin window,” as they say, and I needed to be monitored. I guess I turned towards this book when I was worried about my pregnancy.

And now that we made it through that stressful pregnancy, we have a sweet little guy with an adorable laugh. Truly, his laugh is awesome. More of a chuckle, really.

So here’s what Byron Katie says in her book: “If you want reality to be different than it is, you might as well try to teach a cat to bark. You can try and try, and in the end the cat will look up at you and say, ‘Meow.’ Wanting reality to be different than it is is hopeless. You can spend the rest of your life trying to teach a cat to bark.”

I want reality to be different. I don’t want Theo to have this problem or ANY problem. I want many things that aren’t part of reality. And the realization that I have no control over reality is PAINFUL. It actually hurts to sit in certain feelings that belong purely to reality and are not up for manipulation or debate. But I guess I have to accept that I’m not going to teach a cat to bark (although I’m sure I could find something on YouTube…).

Thank you so much for thinking of us. I really appreciate it. And I’ll keep you posted when we know more.  ❤

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Change

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A couple months ago, we were driving back from visiting my sister, who lives near a beach. While the kids slept in the backseat, Dan and I talked about how relaxing it felt to be by the water for a few days. For years, we’d been saying that we’d like to move near a beach. But it just seemed so impractical. We had built a life elsewhere. A move would be difficult, especially with three little kids.

Finally, one of us said, “You know what? Let’s just do it.”

But we had said this many times before…and then life happened…and we pushed that dream aside. However, this time seemed different. It felt like we were finally serious. Within a few days of getting home, Dan called a realtor about putting our house on the market, and we started to research houses in a town near the beach.

With the wheels actually in motion, my initial excitement turned into nervousness. I had fears — lots of them! We would have to take the girls out of a school that they love. We would be moving farther away from family. We would have to change doctors and dentists. We would have to leave Emmy’s wonderful music therapist. We would have to work with a new school system to arrange physical, occupational, and speech therapy. Overall, we would be leaving everything that was familiar.

One day, when we were scheduled to meet with our realtor, I broached my fears to Dan. “Is this really a good idea? I feel like I know this area so well. I’m nervous about making such a big change.”

He reassured me that everything would work out. And I realized then that if I always listen to my fearful side, I would never do anything. I would stay put exactly as I am.

I actually had a lot of trepidation about starting this blog a year and a half ago. I knew I wanted my blog to be very personal and honest, so I worried about the reaction that I would get. I worried about “putting my business out there” for everyone to see. And, most importantly, I worried about posting pictures of my children.

I really hemmed and hawed on the pictures issue. Should I just take pictures of the kids from behind? Did I really want to expose their faces? What about the creeps out there? The thing that tipped the scales for me was that Williams syndrome can be a very overwhelming and scary diagnosis. I wanted to show newly diagnosed parents what Emmy looks like — how beautiful and sweet she is. I felt like you might be able to get a more accurate impression of who Emmy is from seeing her face. See how Williams syndrome isn’t as scary as it sounds? 🙂

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So I pushed past all of those fears to start this blog, and I’m happy that I did! I love hearing from people who find my blog. I love showing what Williams syndrome is, and I love writing about how Emmy has changed all of our lives for the better.

I didn’t let fear hold me back with the blog, and I wasn’t going to let it hold me back with the move either.

I emailed a realtor who was familiar with a town that we liked and wrote: “We’d like to move, and we’d like to do it quickly. We have three little kids and the holidays are coming up, so we want to just go for it sooner rather than later. Can you help us?” We lucked out, and she was awesome. Soon, all of the pieces fell into place for both the selling and buying of our old and new houses. With momentum on our side, Dan and I moved at warped speed to move before the holidays.

And we did! We’re in the new house in a brand new town near the beach!

We have floor to ceiling boxes, and we still have a ton of unpacking and rearranging to do. But we’re here!!

I think that our biggest concern this whole time was for Charlotte. We were pulling her out of a Kindergarten that she absolutely loves and transferring her to a bigger school with brand new teachers and friends. My own family moved when I was going into sixth grade, and I have to tell you that I was TRAUMATIZED. The memory of the first day of school still haunts me to this day. I can feel my palms getting sweaty just THINKING about it. Ugh. So we felt terrible about changing Charlotte’s comfortable surroundings.

But on the first day in her new school (this past Monday), a little girl brought in a picture frame that she made over the weekend for Charlotte! I couldn’t believe it. Several other kids brought in cards that said things like: “Charlotte — welcome to our school.” Those kind gestures helped her so very much on what would’ve been a difficult first day. I vowed that when I hear there’s a new kid coming to town, I’m going to encourage my children to make cards for him/her. It was really, really sweet.

So the first full week of school is in the books! Charlotte is starting to make friends and is really enjoying her classes, and Emmy fit in right away. Emmy goes to the preschool program and, if you read about the “Williams syndrome personality,” you’ll see why she’s so friendly and outgoing.

So there we go. Lots of changes! But through all of this, I’ve learned that when I move past fear to take a chance, I will eventually embrace change. 

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Little Reminders

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Everyone tells you not to compare.

If you have a child with special needs, you tend to compare that child’s progress to her siblings. Because as much as people tell you not to compare, you can’t turn your brain to the *off* position. If you could turn your brain off, you’d stop thinking about the Halloween candy in the kitchen. Or you’d stop thinking about the phone call you have to make by Friday. Or you’d stop thinking about the next chapter in your life.

But you can’t just *stop* thinking. Your brain turns and moves, turns and moves–as much as you might want to quiet your thoughts. I’ve actually tried meditation many times, and I’ve gotten decently good at it. But even if I sit down to quiet my thoughts for 20 minutes, only 3 minutes of that will be successful. For the other 17 minutes, my mind is still on overdrive.

So if people tell me not to compare my children, it’s impossible because I can’t just shut down my thoughts.

But I want to explain that comparison isn’t a bad thing!

I used to beat myself up about it. I would think: Hmmm…Emmy’s not rolling over yet. I’m pretty sure Charlotte was rolling over by now.

Or I used to think: Was Charlotte able to cross midline this early? Emmy isn’t doing it yet. (Midline = a term I never thought I would have to learn. Now, I know it well.)

And when people would yell at me to stop comparing, I would criticize myself for doing so. What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I stop?! Yet, I was unable. So let me rephrase…

I was thinking.

It’s ok to think, right? Everybody does it. And it doesn’t sound as bad as “comparing.”

When I was thinking about Emmy’s progress in relation to Charlotte, I was simply *thinking.* I love, love, love, love, love Emmy dearly. I think she is amazing and smart and funny and gorgeous and sweet. I feel the same about Charlotte and now, Theo. But my kids are different. They do things on different schedules. They have different personalities. They progress differently. It’s not that one who moves more quickly is better. It’s that one who moves more quickly is different.

When people use the term “compare,” it sounds as though one is better than the other. That’s not true. They’re just different.

And I think it’s ok to observe differences. I think parents should give themselves permission to see the ways in which their children are unique.

There is a parent who has twins with Williams syndrome. She commented that she has a hard time not comparing them. Can you even imagine having twins and being told not to compare? Isn’t that the most impossible task in the world? I mean, how do you NOT compare?

But please understand that these comparisons aren’t negative. They’re just thoughts…observations. As human beings, we have thoughts. And, unless we’re going to meditate 24-7, it’s impossible to shut our brains off.

Now, of course, if you notice that your comparisons are turning negative, that’s a different story. “She’s not crossing midline yet” is different from “Why can’t she cross midline yet when her brother did it so perfectly at 1 month old?” Of course, that’s totally different. And, yes, that would be negative.

But most parents I know are proud of even the smallest accomplishment. Their comparisons aren’t negative. Their comparisons don’t affect their LOVE. These are just thoughts…passing thoughts. Love is constant.

So if you have one of those passing thoughts, don’t beat yourself up (as I did for so long). It’s ok to see differences. They’re just little reminders that your children are unique and special in their own ways.

As you can see, my girls dressed very differently for Halloween. Charlotte knew for months that she wanted to be princess Elsa. That’s it–do not pass go. Emmy, on the other hand, isn’t into princesses. She has always been obsessed with monsters. First, our red, furry friend, Elmo. And now, blue Sulley from Monsters Inc.

I love that she loves monsters!! It’s different. It’s cute. It shows a side to her personality–a fun and daring side. She’s rarely afraid. In fact, when Charlotte didn’t want to stick her hand in the “eyeball” soup at Halloween, Emmy dove right in–grabbing prizes for both of them.

Of course I had the passing thought: It’s funny that Emmy is so into monsters, while Charlotte never was.

But it’s just that…a thought.

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I Love to See You Laugh

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We were about to walk out the door on our way to school, when Charlotte asked, “Mom, have you ever laughed?”

I froze.

She wasn’t being sarcastic. She was asking me earnestly if I ever laughed. I thought, Wow my child hasn’t seen me laugh in the 5 years she’s been alive?? Something is wrong here.

Her words resonated in my head throughout the day, as I turned her question over and over in my mind. Was I really walking around in a state of misery 24-7? I certainly didn’t feel that way…

Then I realized what she was asking. She wasn’t asking if I was miserable all of the time. She wasn’t asking about my smiles or my chuckles (many of which I give throughout the day). She was asking about the belly laughs.

Can you picture the belly laugh of a child? It is the cutest thing ever! The first thing you notice is the grinning little white teeth and gums. Then you hear the sound of hearty laughter as they throw their head back. And then they often bend over, clutching their sides.

And what makes them laugh like this?

Usually the word “poop.”

That’s all you have to say to a child: “Poopy poop poop.” And you are gifted with the most incredible belly laugh, one that rings in your ears just thinking about it.

At one point in our lives, that belly laugh was instantaneous. As a child, you could access it at a moment’s notice. But as we get older, that belly laugh is tougher to find. Perhaps the things that once made us laugh aren’t funny anymore. Or perhaps there are fewer things to laugh about.

It was 6 months ago that Charlotte asked me if I’ve ever laughed and, ever since, I’ve tried to let that belly laugh back in. I know she sees my smiles and my chuckles. But I want to show her that I can belly laugh too. I want to show her that I’m having fun with life (even if I’m often stressing about many aspects of it…).

I thought back to my own life and two people I love to see belly laugh — my parents. There’s nothing better than my dad getting red in the face and laughing so hard that he cries. I don’t want my parents to worry or stress. I love to see them happy — to see them truly experiencing lighthearted joy.

Some of the most wonderful belly laughs I’ve ever seen came from my grandmother, who we lost in August. She used to say, “I love to laugh!” And it was true. Even in her 80’s, she allowed herself to go to that silly place. She didn’t constantly mull over the hardships of life and say “Woe is me.” Just the opposite. Even when she had cancer, she laughed and laughed and laughed.

I want to make an earnest effort each day to tap into my belly laugh, especially around the kids. I want them to see their mom having fun with life. I don’t want to teach them that life is difficult and grueling and tough. I want them to see the lighthearted side of things.

And something else… I don’t want my kids to lose their ability to access that genuine belly laugh. But if they see that I’ve lost it, why wouldn’t they just follow in my footsteps?

The tricky part is that it’s hard for me to laugh at “Poopy poop poop” jokes. But we’ve started to move out of that territory a little bit. Emmy now puts things on her head at the dinner table, and there’s something very funny about her saying, “Napkin on my head!”

The good news is that my efforts haven’t gone unnoticed! We were in the car yesterday when Charlotte said something silly from the backseat, and I genuinely belly laughed.

Her response?

“I love to see you laugh.”

The Kindness of Others

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Yesterday, as Emmy was working her way down the steps at school, a parent held out her hand.

“Want some help?”

Emmy gladly accepted the hand, and the two of them walked slowly down the steps together. I don’t know this woman. I’ve seen her around, but we hadn’t officially met until yesterday. Yet she saw that Emmy was a bit slower on the steps, and she was eager to extend a hand.

And when I came to pick up Emmy at school the other day, a little girl saw me and said, “Emmy, your mom is here!” But she didn’t stop there. She put a hand on Emmy’s back and gently guided her through the sea of children. This little girl of about four years old led my daughter to me.

Because my daughter has special needs, I see something that others may not see. I see people who show a level of kindness that goes above and beyond what is expected.

Sure, we all say “hi” to each other as we go about the hustle-and-bustle of our daily lives. We offer a quick smile or a wave. We hold the door for each other. We say “Excuse me” and “Oops. I’m sorry.” We’re in our own little worlds. It’s how we live, and it’s what we’re used to.

But now I also see the people who drop everything to help someone with special needs. When that happens, there’s an incredible kindness that comes through. And there’s a softening. Our crisp, sharp world becomes fuzzy around the edges.

As I stood waiting for Emmy to work her way down the steps holding a woman’s hand…

And as I stood waiting for a little girl to guide her though the crowd…

Time stood still. Everything became softer. 

I wonder about people like this. Where does this kindness come from? Do they have a sibling with special needs? Do they work with people who have special needs? Did their parents teach them to be kind to people with special needs? Or are they just born this way?

Before Emmy was diagnosed, I didn’t have this trait. Of course, I was perfectly pleasant towards people with special needs. It’s not like I was cruel or anything. But I didn’t have the stop-everything-and-help trait. I didn’t know anyone with special needs and, actually, I didn’t think much about it. I was very much in my own little world.

I’d say most people are just like I was. They offer Emmy a quick smile. Or they might look quizzically at her, perhaps thinking, “What’s wrong?” Or they don’t even notice her at all.

But then there are these people who stop EVERYTHING and extend a hand. This woman’s own daughter was at the bottom of the stairs already. She could have easily raced down the stairs, offered me a brisk “Hello,” and marched towards her car — already thinking about what to make for dinner. I wouldn’t have faulted her a bit. It’s what everyone does. Hey, I’m busy too, so I get it!

But, rather, she stopped. And she extended a hand.

When I see the kindness come through in children is when it really gets me choked up. When I see kids holding Emmy’s hand to help her along. Or when I see kids try and pick her up to help put her on a tricycle. Or even when kids stop to say, “Hi Emmy!” Those things make her day. And they make mine too. It makes me feel like we’re going positive places in this world. I applaud the parents who are able to teach this kindness to their children. I think it will make them better people, for sure.

I already see how Charlotte has blossomed because of her sister. She is so kind and so helpful. When she takes Emmy’s hand, that softness happens. Just writing about it, I can actually feel it.

People with special needs deserve this kindness. They don’t deserve hurtful words and teasing. I see how Emmy has completely changed my life. Her incredible spirit has softened me. And she has shown me how to really stop and see these little moments of softness in an otherwise fast-paced world.