Don’t Help Me

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Emmy and I were walking down the front steps to our car, so I extended my hand to help her out. Do you know what she said?

“Don’t help me.”

Here I had just written a post about a mom who helped Emmy down the stairs of her school (The Kindness of Others), and now my daughter is saying “Don’t help me.”

Can you imagine how I felt?

Ecstatic!

When you first find out your child has a disability, you go through all kinds of emotions and work through many scenarios in your head. Some of the things you likely think about are, “Am I going to have to help her with everything? Will she live with me forever? Will I even know what retirement feels like?”

There’s the expectation in our society that you raise your kids until they’re 18, and then they fly the coop. Of course, parents will often share winks when their kids come back home to save up money before getting a place of their own. But do parents of kids with disabilities share those same winks? Or is it just assumed that your child will live under your roof forever?

When she was a baby, I had no idea what Emmy would be like, and I didn’t know what was in store for our future as a family. As she gets older, she’s showing more and more of her personality. She is feisty! She is determined! She is persistent! 

This past Easter, she was playing with a plastic egg, trying to put it back together. That’s really hard for someone whose little fingers can get tripped up on each other. She fought with that egg for quite some time…until she fit the two pieces in place! Then she gave her signature smile and said, “I did it!”

And a couple months ago, I heard the sound of a music box coming from the girls’ bedroom. It takes a lot of effort and strength to turn that heavy knob. I thought, “Charlotte is playing with the music box again.” But wait…it couldn’t have been Charlotte — she was in the livingroom. I poked my head into the bedroom to see Emmy determinedly turning the knob on the music box. And then I ran to grab my camera.

She wants to do what the other kids are doing. It may take longer. It may be harder. But she wants to do it.

When she was first diagnosed, I had no idea that the strength of her determination would take her so far. I was more focused on the negative “What ifs.” What if I have to do everything for her? What if she’s completely helpless?

Here’s a thought…

What if she totally surpasses every one of my expectations? What if she teaches ME how to be persistent?

A secret…I can be guilty of giving up too soon when I’m not good at something. Eek! It’s true. I have been known to swiftly turn around when something is out of my comfort zone. You can be SURE I wouldn’t sit down with that Easter egg for a half an hour if I didn’t fit it into place within the first three minutes. And if I struggled to turn the knob on the music box, I probably wouldn’t have kept at it. I would’ve found something else that came more easily to me…

But Emmy doesn’t do that. She pushes her boundaries! I’m glad she doesn’t take after me in that way. 😉

So, yes, I’m totally ok with the fact that she doesn’t want my help. You go, girl!

8 thoughts on “Don’t Help Me

  1. Wonderful to hear of Emmy’s determination and persistence! I can see this in my Simone too. She’s a girl with a mind of her own! Thanks for sharing and so amazingly timely, when I’ve been worrying about my little girl’s future. This gives me a new perspective.

  2. Once again, you have shared an insight that makes me rethink my own propensities. Would I have spent thirty minutes trying to figure out the Easter egg? I probably would have given up after thirty seconds. And the music box? I would have asked someone else to turn the knob and then just listened to the music. Emmy’s persistence is inspiring and I love reading about her triumphs and successes. Your family is so very lucky to have her in your lives, and vice versa!!

  3. What a great post. My son can be quite determined too, and he works hard. He often asks for help, but increasingly asserts his independence. He also says “l did it!” with great joy and pride.

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