My only goal right now is to keep my head above water. This little guy is cute but, boy, can he scream! He’s colicky and is usually crying from about 4:00 pm-11:00 pm. Every single day. He looks calm in this picture, right? He’s good at making you think that everything is going to go smoothly and then…he turns.
I finally broke down and called the pediatrician. I suspected it was colic, so I was trying to be cool, calm, and collected about the whole thing and handle it on my own (with my very helpful husband, of course). I really didn’t want to go to the doctor. I spend so much time in doctors’ offices because of Emmy. It’s exhausting. And the past 9 months of pregnancy have felt like one long, never-ending doctor’s appointment. I just wanted a break.
But one day he screamed so much that he really freaked me out, and I brought him in. Our usual pediatrician didn’t have a free appointment, so I saw another doctor in the practice. Theo was lying on the examining table — screaming, screaming, screaming. The doctor turned him over again and again. He spent a good deal of time looking him over and futzing with him. Despite the screaming, the doctor was totally unphased. He just kept smiling and then, finally, he exclaimed, “Gosh, is he cute!! He looks great, mom.”
Looks great??? I was shocked. I expected some kind of scary diagnosis.
The truth is that it’s hard not to worry. When we found out that Emmy has Williams syndrome, it came totally out of the blue. It was like being hit by a train. I had never thought twice about genetics and, from that day onwards, I know more about genes and chromosomes and syndromes than I ever thought possible. (And I still don’t know even a smidgen of what’s out there!)
But I felt like I got tossed into a world that was no longer carefree. Suddenly, I knew more than I wanted to know. One thing I know is that syndromes can come in the form of pieces to a puzzle. What I mean by that is: you notice one thing, then you notice another thing, then another thing… All of these little things seem random. “Oh, her pinky turns in.” “She has a really big smile.” “She has a heart murmur.” They seem like random little things. And maybe they are. But in Emmy’s case, they culminated in one very big thing — a diagnosis of Williams syndrome.
And now, with Theo, I know too much. If he were my first child, I probably wouldn’t bat an eye at the fact that he held his thumb tightly in his fist in the beginning, that he has major gastrointestinal troubles; that he seems to be developing a rash. I grilled the doctor. I brought my list of symptoms. And I said, “I’m nervous because, with my daughter, there were all kinds of little things that were pieces to a puzzle.”
“I know,” he replied. “But he looks great. Really great.”
I’m a member of various groups on Facebook for parents of kids with Williams syndrome. And a common question is: I’d like to have another child, but I’m scared.
Because even though you love your child with Williams syndrome DEARLY and wouldn’t change him/her for the world, you know too much. You know that life comes with surprises. And you’d prefer not to get another huge shock, especially when it involves the most precious things in your life — your children.
So I left the doctor’s office with a diagnosis of colic. But I can’t promise that I won’t worry. And I can’t promise that I won’t examine every little thing about Theo. And I can’t promise that the wheels in my mind won’t turn endlessly.
But I can promise that I will try and relax and just snuggle and appreciate this adorable little boy, with whom Emmy is completely obsessed.
She’ll ask me, “I kiss him?”
And when I say “sure,” she leans over and gives him a smooch. Again and again and again.
Then she flashes me a huge smile and proclaims, “He so cute!”
And Charlotte strokes his cheek and says, “He’s adooooooorable.”
We all can’t wait until his tummy troubles stop making him so miserable. The doctor tells me that colic should resolve by three months. In the meantime, you know what I’ll be doing tonight from 4:00 pm-11:00 pm…